on advising people looking for an Orthodox parish

At this discussion board I occasionally frequent, completely new inquirers sometimes post saying, "I'm thinking of visiting an Orthodox parish this Sunday, it's called St X in $CITY. Does anybody know anything about it?" The correct response is not, as some people apparently think, "That doesn't, upon a cursory examination, look like it's a bunch of schismatic liberal fakers pretending to be Orthodox. They're Greek, though, so you'll probably suffer extreme culture shock."

Proper Response: either silence or, "I once stayed a month in that town and the people were amazing," depending on what the case is. If nobody else pipes in and you know it's not a bunch of schismatic liberal fakers, you can say, "Sounds great, I'm glad you'll be going there," or something else generally supportive.

Under no circumstances, save when they have actually run into them, mention bizarre vagante groups. I also recommend against FM-G's "12 things..." guide because it really sucks, but, lacking better material, it may be acceptable. Part of the problem with it is the problem with the first response: acting like the whole thing will result in a giant case of culture shock because it's bizarre and foreign. Grant that the thing might be bizarre and foreign. Don't treat it like it is. Orthodox worship is natural to the people who do it, it's what they do. Present it as such. Essentially say, "Here is what Orthodox worship is like, it's not weird, they're doing what they do: it's what they do." To say, "Here is what Orthodox worship is like, I know it looks really weird to you, but you might get used to it someday or something," is a grave mistake.

I hope this short note helps correct some of the errors I have seen others fall into. Be glad that these things you (perhaps not you, Dear Reader) fall into are mere misstatements and blunders, and not sins, as is the case with my failings.

various things

1. Lent always makes me realize I'm a gravely wicked man, but usually it has more to do with me than with Lent intervening. I watched The Robe the other day, it was a bit schmaltzy, but the corny stylized repentance of the man who had Christ nailed to the cross was edifying to someone [viz, me] in my state of mind.
2. The new jorb is going fine, I'm going to have to learn SAS and data mining and that sort of stuff. I don't know a bloody thing about programming or databases (well, not quite true on the former, but I maintain a studied ignorance of the latter, since it's what my dad does for a living). This'll give me a jump on it, I suppose, I won't need to know it for a few months.
3. I was thinking about awesome names for children, and then I realized all the ones I'd been thinking about were the names of the children of St Nicholas II the Passion Bearer. Except for Olga, it doesn't quite sound the same in English, though I suppose the tsar and his wife already knew that, since they spoke to each other primarily in English, so why should I not consider that name as well? So it'll be in the pot if I should ever be so blessed as to have four daughters (purely academic at this point).
4. Pokey, I love the future.
5. I need new glasses. Glasses that say, "I will analyze your data and I am very young, but not so young you shouldn't give me giant sacks of cash. Trust me, I am a trained professional." My current ones have the eccentric mathematician thing going for them, but they're quite scratched and still a bit crooked from that time I was in a car being hit on the head by a 4-yr-old for a few hours until they broke. They exude the "I'm a poor math student" vibe.
6. I will be in church tonight.
7. I'm a bit annoyed that the new "blogger" is not capable of autoformatting numbered lists.
8. Internal corporate stylesheets dictate the use of "e-mail" rather than "email". I am so very happy.

I'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE

AND FIND MY WAY AGAIN. I'VE LOST MY WAY AGAIN.

today's gospel...

For indeed the days are coming in which they will say, 'Blessed are the barren, wombs that never bore, and breasts which never nursed!'

...could be construed as an argument about contraception/"childfree" marriages in these last days.

everything is superfantastic

I had a grand day. I got the jeorb I interviewed for [see charm school and other posts], I took the drug test in time [I not ready to face that], skipped the current jaerb [may interfere with my zvonar ambitions], went to vespers, had dinner with this girl [my "valentine", I suppose], tried that dratted Goldschlager with apple juice, I'm going to have the first week of Lent completely free before starting the new jorb, and I had a magnificent slice of veggie pizza for lunch today. Brighter than nothing, smarter than nobody. Things are quite fine. And tomorrow: the divine liturgy horribly early in the morning and skipping work again. There is nothing better in this world. This is gzt, signing out.

I will drop out and become a zvonar!

So I spent a lot of today downloading free mp3s of Russian bell music, they're all over the internets, and I decided that I must drop out and become a zvonar. I bet I'd get a great hat. So much better than the workaday life I've got going now.