This is all purely theoretical, but it came up somewhere and was curious what you all might think. I'm asking around all the fora (and fauna) I have and would like your input.
Keep in mind, of course, that I have never asked a question about anything I did not already have a strong opinion on that you could not possibly dissuade me from.
1. How long should a guy go out with a girl before asking her to marry him?
2. How long should an engagement last?
3. How much time should elapse between first date and wedding?
Think of these questions as being about several parameters, like minimum recommended wise time, typical time, maximum recommended wise time barring special circumstance, etc.
I was reading Boundless.org and one of the authors recommended that one should plan for marriage within about a year, which really did seem quite reasonable as an upper bound to plan for, but I thought I would ask your opinions/experiences.
4 comments:
My parents once gave me this advice: Long dating, short engagement.
Probably good. But what do they mean by long and short? 4 yrs and 1 month? Inquiring minds want to know.
My wife and I dated for about 5 months and were engaged for about 6 months. It was ideal for us, though perhaps not for everyone.
It has to be long enough for you to learn some of your expectations of each other and to learn some of each other's personality quirks. It should be short enough so you don't start having sex.
If you start having sex, generally your judgment of each other will become clouded, and you will lose having that phase coincide with the adjustment period - which is exceedingly helpful to have.
That is my two cents.
It seems to me that you should know someone for over a year before you marry them -- probably a year and a half, at least, would be better. This doesn't mean you necessarily need to have started dating them over a year before you marry them. The time spent engaged should probably be between 1/4 and 3/4 of the time elapsed since the first date, which should be at least nine months, if not a year, before the wedding.
Some flexibility should be allowed for odd situations.
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