- The "holy handshake". Please, just keep going, don't stop the liturgy and don't touch me.
- Stopping to explain things. I was at a service once where, right before the canon, the priest stopped the liturgy of St Basil to explain that this is the liturgy of St Basil, so the prayers are different, but they're great, so pay attention. Very disruptive, should have been mentioned during the sermon if it was to be mentioned.
- Gratuitous linguistic acrobatics. With the exception of Greek, because everybody must use Greek if possible no matter how poorly they do it, it's probably not a good idea for a lot of non-native speakers to try to read in some language. Singing as a group might be okay if there are a few around who actually know what they're doing, but I really dislike it when somebody tries to do "40 Lord Have Mercy" by doing a decade in each of English, Greek, Slavonic, and Swahili.
- Pews or chairs. Perhaps this should be first on the list. There is nothing in the world I hate more than having the sanctuary filled with rows of crap. Pews (and rows of chairs - they're morally the same) - stifle spiritual life.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Worst common liturgical practice
Having been reminded elsewhere of the difference between, eg, a very Russian Russian vigil and a very convert-y touchy-feely service, I tried to think of the things I hate most when they occur. This isn't very healthy, but perhaps listing them will help me repent and heal. Or something.
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One ex-EOC church we used to visit from time to time had everyone flock around whomever was reading the Scripture. They also had many people who would raise their hands to the heavens during church, and we were invited to a "bible study" where there would be "incense, icons, but also some praise songs on the guitar." Needless to say this church also had a VERY long intermission for the "holy kiss" (with the greeting "peace be with you" instead of the seasonal/festal greeting) as well as a priest who stopped to explain things.
Perhaps it's because I converted at 19 and only have embarrassing memories of evangelicalism, but I have very little sympathy for the homesickness of converts. God help me to be more patient. We're happy in our convertski church in my hometown (we have the luxury of a seminary-educated priest who gracefully minimizes these sorts of things) but when I think about the EOC or that kind of thing in general I just want to go drown in a non-English speaking church where nobody ever ever says my three least favorite words, "but we're Americans." (To which I always mutter "secretly," "but we're Orthodox.")
This Kiss of Peace isn't a convert practice per se, it's a very old part of the liturgy that's fallen out of practice most, but not all, places. It can certainly be distracting, but it's not some new fangled thing, it was around before and when the formal liturgy started.
2-4 aren't convert things either, really. Pews are more likely to be absent in convert-y churches, IME, than cradle churches. But it's truly more of a Russian and/or traditional vs Greek and/or modern.
But, yes, it's not new, but its reintroduction is new and morphing into the "holy handshake" is much more new. I haven't seen it done in a non-distracting way outside of the mandatory practice by the clergy in the altar.
Liturgical pet peeves:
When the Theotokos is called upon, the entire congregation loudly sings, "Most Holy Theotokos, Save Us!", as if they were a chorus. Rather like the Kiss of Peace, no one in Greece does this anymore.
When non-Greeks make absolutely no effort to pronounce Greek names correctly, especially "Theotokos". It's NOT TheotoKUS, ya hick.
When priests go around bonking every child on the head with the unconsecrated chalice during the Great Entrance.
Kneeling during Sunday liturgy because WE'RE SO HUMBLE.
etc.
Anna - for the first, does it crop up in Arab usage?
2,3: yes.
4: yes, except, of course, GOA is okay because they mandate it.
RE: 1. Tends to be an Antiochian convert parish thing, as far as I can tell.
I know 3 is at least loosely part of the Ukrainian typikon (the "the" there strictly coincidental)
and 1 is an Antiochian thing that seems to vary from parish to parish but if I was correctly informed is a Syrian practice in origin. That said, certainly isn't supposed to be so loud, and I know many who argue it shouldn't be sung during Liturgy proper.
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