Saturday, February 07, 2015

Pros and cons of real English vs Hieratic English

I have at time written about the "Thou (Hieratic English)" vs "You (actual English)" distinction. Here I summarize what, exactly, is at stake.

Pros of Hieratic English
  • Saying, "Do Thou Thyself," makes you sound wicked awesome.
  • Fits better with the LARPodox theme.
  • It was good enough for Moses.
  • Retains at least a little bit of the unintelligibility of the original languages.
Cons of Hieratic English

  • Harder to read with a fake Russian accent.
  • Holpen the conies.
  • Have to remember the "ye" vs "you" distinction.
Pros of Actual English
  • Easier to improvise your own versions of the Psalms.
  • Can still have the complete awkwardness if desired by Yoda-fying the text. "Swallowed up near by the rock have their judges been!"
  • Annoys "traditionalists".
  • Modern translations of the Bible include references to pogs.
Cons of Actual English
  • People might actually understand the Bible and therefore become Protestant.
  • It is a sure sign of Renovationism, Panheretical Ecumenism, the Feminist Intention, and the Homosexual Agenda, all bound in fine leather. This might need to be a "Pro" because of the leather binding.
  • Nobody has ever translated anything into actual English.
  • Using "you" forces the translator to use swears, colloquialisms, and the word "ain't".

Wednesday, February 04, 2015

Pros and cons of pews vs open floor plans.

Pros of pews:
  • Imparts a rigid, ordered structure on the temple like the celestial hierarchy in Pseudo-Dionysius.
  • Awkward, sideways prostrations are very humbling.
  • Children more completely confined so church not mistaken for fun.
  • Annoy "traditionalists".
Cons of pews:
  • Are you ready for a toaca solo?
  • Hard to catch a good nap.
  • Can't be sure the church still doesn't belong to Protestants.
  • Might have to sit next to somebody some day.
  • EDIT: No escape from the Holy Handshake (not that there's anything wrong with that).
Pros of an open floor plan:
  • Accentuates how utterly empty the space is.
  • Children can get a good running start for the Royal Doors or at least the candle stands.
  • Less wood-polishing.
  • Services 16% more holy.
Cons of an open floor plan:
  • Extremely awkward to pick out a place to stand with no reference to anchor to.
  • The "getting out of the way of the censer" dance demeans us both.
  • "Traditionalists" like it.
  • Some other unfortunate church bought your pews.